The Law & The Order

You may be sick of seeing these already, but this is proof that with a tiny bit of practice anyone can master track stands. Some weeks ago I couldn't even pull off a standing one, and now I'm doing spontaneous stands at traffic lights. Don't give up!

Watching Vincent D'Onofrio and Kathryn Erbe helps.

- David

It's Like Standing, But... On A Track

So I'm getting a bit better at the track stand thing. Played in triple-speed!


Now, while it is true that I regularly practice track stands in my living room and look forward to the day when I can do them no-handed, I want to make something clear:

I loathe all the kiddies with fixed-gears and girl pants that own expensive bicycles with the apparent sole purpose of dicking around in public places and putting on circus acts. A bicycle is for riding, not for matching your outfits too and balancing in useless ways to impress girls that desperately need to eat.

I'm glad they're at least riding around a little, but c'mon. It's just so against the nature of a track bike. They've reduced their beautiful machines of efficiency and power to moon shoes or balance boards.

Anywho, enough of my personal prejudices. You may be asking why I bother learning this particular skill. One word: Utility.

It is extremely useful to be able to stop at an intersection (or anywhere for that matter) and not have to take one's feet out of the clips and put one's foot down on the ground. It saves time and it's safer than trying to hurriedly get one's shoe back into the straps, especially if one is in traffic. You're already up, on the bike, with your feet in the optimum position for efficient pedaling. Hell, they're called "track" stands because it's how track racers started off the line.

Plus, it looks cool.

- David

U-Lock Justice

Story Time! (BTW, click the title above to download the song "U-Lock Justice" which is both angry and hard to understand.)

Saturday afternoon I headed to the mall with the intent of crossing a few things off my Christmas list. I chained Isabelle securely to a metal fence that is near one of the main entrances of the establishment, and well within view of the street, the sidewalk, and anyone coming in or out.

I distinctly remember looping the annoyingly-curly cable around the fence, around the frame, through the back tire, and back around to the padlock and pressing down hard until I heard the lock go "click." I removed my headlight and headed in without a second thought. Well, that's not true. I'm always sort of thinking about my bike in the background, especially if I've left it somewhere other than my office or my apartment.

An hour or two later I emerge, and what do I see, but my padlock hanging open and the cable almost entirely removed from bike and fence. Somehow, I didn't flip out. I didn't even break stride although a part of me was going, "What. The. Fucking. FUCK!" I calmly walked over, bent down to retrieve my raped security device, and told myself with absolute finality and belief that this was Karma telling me to get a better lock.

The way I figure it, someone got my lock open and was in the process of removing the entire $15 or $20 apparatus when they got spooked by a passerby, their conscience, or the sudden realization that my bike has only one used brake and no ability to coast. Whatever the reason, I am über-grateful. Wake up call received.

I immediately boarded the ferry and headed for my favorite bike shop. I remember them having a big ol' cloth-covered Kryptonite chain and lock set that I'd been eying and now I had no problem justifying the purchase. They had recently sold the last one, so I began to eye the U-lock selection. I asked about a bit (after relating my harrowing tale) and decided on a Master U-lock which weighs two or three pounds and was sold to me $20 off because I'm so handsome and they'd had it awhile. The price and weight really wasn't as big a deal to me as the immediate need of having a lock that would be harder to get through than the current one.

Looking around a bit now, I think down the line I may purchase one of these, for it's smaller size, the brand reputation, and recommendation from Sheldon "Fixie Resistance Leader" Brown. I can leave this larger (heavier) one at home or in the office, and carry the lil' one in my bag. I'm no gram geek, but two or three pounds extra weight is definitely noticeable.

I've read that a good rule to follow is to spend a minimum 10% of your current bike's worth on locks to keep it safe. A fourty or fifty dollar purchase of chains, padlocks, and/or U-locks may seem like a lot at the time, but it may be the difference between buying a whole new bicycle or not.

- David

Books and Bikes

You know a good book when five pages in it's already clear you got your money's worth.

The Art of Urban Cycling is such a book. Far from hokey or campy, it's full of the kind of natural wisdom seasoned professionals have after years doing what they do. And all in accessible, entertaining writing.

One line out of many notable ones prompted this post:

"The successful urban cyclist counts on nothing but choas and stupidity."

Don't let either get you, my friends.

- David

Black (and Blue) Friday

It's black Friday, and that means a ton of people are going to be out on the roads. They'll be cranky, they'll be in a hurry, and they'll be paying more attention to the shopping they've done and still have to do than to the roads and the people who are using them.

Ride with extreme distrust. Assume nothing. Paranoia, constant attention, helmets, and flashing lights are the prescription that will save your life. Seriously.

Take care. See you on the flip side.

- David

Unconventional Wisdom - Men In Black

In my (soon to be) quarter of a century on this planet I've discovered that the best wisdom comes from weird and unexpected places. You can read books and visit gurus and intern under intelligent people, but life itself will always be your most profound teacher. Although the teachings may come through odd agents.

Case in point.

While talking to my friend Aero today on the fickle nature of mobs, I recalled a line from the movie Men in Black. I enjoy this movie, but I do not own it. Will Smith asks Tommy Lee why they didn't let people in on the whole alien thing, because, as he put it, people are smart. Tommy Lee responds thusly:

"A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it."

It hit me that this should probably be in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, right under "Mostly Harmless."

When out on the road, in a car or on a bike, you should keep this quote in mind. A person behind the wheel, especially in traffic, is no longer a person. It is now a dumb, panicky, dangerous animal.

As an example, take some of the behavior you've seen during your daily commute: People are rude, unsafe, selfish, and act as if their actions had no consequences, karmic or otherwise. Now take those same people and put them in a super market. No one is cutting off anybody else to get into the cereal isle two seconds faster. No one is shouting at the other shoppers. People are not adamantly refusing to be decent human beings. They are at the very least quiet and courteous.

Personally I believe it has something to do with perceived anonymity. Face to face most people are decent, either due to upbringing or social pressure. They don't want to cause a scene in front of strangers by being the asshole. But as soon as they get a tiny bit of anonymity, like behind the wheel of a car or a computer screen, all that flies out the window. People are the biggest jerks imaginable.

Whatever the reason, just keep in mind when you're out there doing what you do on two wheels or four, that you're dealing with hulking, retarded animals that will hurt you if you're not careful.

Be safe.

- David

Re-Worked Saftey Video

Weird, but still catchy and cute.

Lesson learned? Don't let a fat monkey tell you where to steer.

- David